Tricks and Treats

     I'm not good at dieting, and I know that because I've done so much of it in my adult life, and done it dreadfully.  When I finally realized that diets just don't work, my inner foodie soared and I ate like a starving castaway just rescued from the wilds.  I ate everything that couldn't outrun me, and I gained weight.  What a shocker.  So if dieting doesn't work and eating everything within arm's reach doesn't work, what does?  

     Here's what works for me:  I try to eat mindfully and make healthful choices during the week, then I relax and have some fun on the weekends.  That doesn't mean I eat with abandon for 48 hours straight, but I do indulge if the opportunity presents itself (as in, it just hurls itself right out in front if me in the form of a pizza or a pile of nachos or a bowl of fettuccine Alfredo).  Saturday night is Naughty Night at our house, and it isn't pretty.  Don't stop by unannounced; I can't vouch for what you might see piled high onto our plates, and some things just can't be unseen.  Suffice to say it usually involves something fried, or cheese, or possibly fried cheese.  (And take that look off your face right now because if you've had it, you know what I'm talking about, and if you haven't, you don't know what you're missing.  Get out there and get yourself some.)  But in order to convince myself that I deserve those ooey gooey heavenly fried bits, I keep a lid on it during the week, and here are some of my tricks. 

     1.  Buffalo Wing Salad:  I am a Buffalo wing girl from the get-go.  The combination of salty, zesty, slightly spicy flavors really rings my happy chimes, and I can eat a lot of those bad boys.  But the best wings usually begin with frying, which is a mid-week no-no for me.  So one evening when I was staring at my big bowl of salad and praying it would turn into little wings of happiness, I decided to make my own magic by substituting wing sauce for salad dressing.  Brilliant?  Yes, quite possibly.  And it gets better.  I checked the label on my handy-dandy bottle of Frank's RedHot Buffalo Wing Sauce and -- brace yourself -- a one-tablespoon serving has WHAAAAAT?  NO calories?  None?  How could that be?  The only things I know that have no calories are water and air, so this could be life-altering.  I got out my Sunday crossword puzzle reading glasses just to be sure, and there it was in all its magnified glory.  NO calories.  You'll be proud to know that revelation did not compel me to pour half a bottle of the magic potion all over my salad; instead, I filled a tiny little ramekin with it and proceeded to use my normal stab-and-dip method of eating salad.  But that one was so much better than any salad I'd had in a loooooooong time.  Buffalo wing salad has now become a favorite week-night treat. 

     2.  Key Lime Pie in a Cup:  I am also a key lime pie girl, and I make a pretty mean one, but that brings me face to face with all the egg yolks, sugar, butter, and sweetened condensed milk required to make it happen.  I am trying to be a Greek yogurt girl, but I'll be honest; I don't love the stuff.  It's just a little too . . . something I can't put my finger on.  Plus, eating a container of yogurt provides absolutely no chewing satisfaction.  It's gone in considerably less than five minutes and what do you have?  Am empty container, a used spoon, and a mouth that still wants something to chew.  Enter key lime pie flavored Greek yogurt and graham crackers.  Brilliant?  Yes, quite possibly.  I treated myself to one square graham cracker -- that's four individual crackers -- and dipped each one into the yogurt, and when I closed my eyes and savored the flavors . . .  it was still Greek yogurt, but it was much, much better.  And for less than 200 calories in the whole enchilada, so to speak. 

     3.   Squash Your Pasta Craving:  If you haven't yet had the pleasure of an introduction to spaghetti squash, get thee to your local grocery store and grab one.  Cut little slits into a whole squash, microwave it for about 15 minutes (until it gives a bit to the touch), cut it in half, and pull out the strands with a fork.  Top with olive oil, salt, and black pepper, or your favorite pasta sauce, and get ready to write me a thank you note.  Brilliant?  Yes, quite possibly, but hardly an original idea.  Go get one. 

     4.  The Law of Three Bites:  If I absolutely, positively HAVE to have something particular and it's not Naughty Night and I can't come up with a single defensible reason why I should indulge (the newspaper was delivered on time, the house is still standing, I didn't wake up dead this morning), here's my trick:  Three bites of anything will not rock your boat.  Ice cream, peanut butter, macaroni and cheese, pretty much anything falls into this category.  And now for the question I'm most often asked:  How big can the bites be?  A common sense foul if ever I heard one, but here goes:  You have to be able to fit the spoon into your face.  So there.  But here's the trick:  Gather your indulgent treat and your Flintstone-sized spoon and sit down and enjoy every single bite.  Take at least five minutes to revel in the thrill of the three.  

     Food is fun and comfort and love, and while we want to be healthy, we also want to live our lives, so there are a few tricks that help get me through the day without chewing on the sofa.  If you have others, and I'm sure you do, you clever people, please leave a comment and share them!