LOVIN' THE OVEN

     I've reached THAT AGE.  Ladies, you know what I mean.  Gentlemen, you don't, but read on -- your attention now will reward you handsomely in the future.  Here it is:   I've reached the age where nothing thrills me like a new appliance.  A minor appliance makes the earth move under my feet.  A major appliance rocks my world. 

      Last year, we updated our kitchen from floor to ceiling, including a sparkling new oven which I refused to allow anyone (read: My One And Only) to use because I couldn't bear the thought of it getting dirty.  Or greasy.  Or crumbly.  Or turned ON.  Eventually, of course, I had to give in, but for a month after that, I only baked small, tidy batches of things in large, disposable foil containers that could be efficiently whisked off to the trash to prevent my even remembering that the oven had been warmed.  And after each and every culinary production, I cleaned that oven with my rubber gloves and my scrubby sponges and my furrowed brow until it once again sparkled like new.  I did not accomplish much else during that month.  

      Eventually, of course, My One And Only insisted on cooking.  IN THE NEW OVEN.  What, I asked.  Ribs, he replied.  Call me when it's over, I said as I left the room. 

        Fast forward to now.  I've relaxed a bit, but I still weep quietly to myself when that new oven gets greasy or crumbly, and I still clean it regularly and thoroughly.  However, I've also learned that the reason the ovens on the Food Network always look like they've never been used is because THEY'VE NEVER BEEN USED.  They're nothing but show ponies.  The real cooking goes on behind the scenes where, I must assume, a posse of rubber gloved, furrowed-browed terminators stop cleaning them only long enough for a single dish to be completed before diving into them again with wild abandon because, I feel sure, even the behind-the-scenes ovens are spotless at the Food Network.  Not so in real life. 

      Which brings me to my new favorite appliance -- an unassuming little powerhouse that barely takes up enough counter space to mention, yet produces scrumptious sensations of all kinds with barely enough trouble to mention.  I am talking TOASTER OVEN.  A toaster and an oven all in one.  Perhaps you've heard of such a thing.  Perhaps you own such a thing.  Perhaps you are even thinking, where have you been living, you poor dear, in a barn?  Could be, but I promise you, you do not love your toaster oven as much as I love my toaster oven.  For starters, toast is the least of it.  I can't recall the last time I asked my little darling to simply make toast.  What a waste.  Barbie's playhouse oven can toast, roast, bake, broil, and make pizza, according to the impressive assortment of settings on the front.  I doubt I have allowed it to reach its full foodie potential yet, but I have baked everything in it except for a whole chicken -- the only thing that won't fit.  But let's talk pork tenderloin, pork chops, salmon fillets, a rack of ribs (cut in half), eggs in avocado cups, a bevy of baked potatoes, a cast of casseroles, a couple of quiches, and a pie.  Yup, shut up, a PIE.  Imagine the fun!  Imagine the convenience!  Imagine rarely having to use (or CLEAN) your big girl oven!  

      Now, you may be thinking, that's fine and dandy if you're a single or a double or a family of very picky eaters, but what if you house growing boys or an entire cheerleading squad of girls or a large extended family that begins to assemble at dusk in anticipation of the multi-platter evening meal?  Not to worry.  Consider the toaster oven the sous chef to your big boy.  Roast the chicken in the big oven and let the baby oven handle the taters or the macaroni and cheese or the broccoli/cauliflower mash-up.  Plus, everything will be done at the same time, not an easy achievement, and frankly I don't know how one manages that after cramming everything into one big oven.  Divide and conquer, I say. 

      So, ladies, if you don't already own one of these little beauties, treat yourself.  If yours is more than a decade old, re-treat yourself.  (They've come a long way, baby.)  And gentlemen, take note.  If you've been with Your Reason for Living less than ten years, you'd probably be wise to continue festooning her at every opportunity with tiny sparkling things.  But if you've been together more than 15 years, consider giving her a big sparkling thing that will put a smile on her face every time she walks into the kitchen.  Give her some lovin' with a new toaster oven.